When was the first time you performed in front of an audience? I hear you saying “Never!” and I would reply “Sure, you did!” You must have dreamed it, at least. Let’s get things clear.
I think there’s enough evidence that the main instinct of life is survival. Most of the time either consciously or unconsciously we follow the path that leads us to better survive. For human beings survival is not only a matter of meeting physical needs but it is also about being admitted by society.
We learned that mankind survived by telling stories and making others believe in them. As a society and individually, our being is built upon story telling. We build our own stories as we live and we want to share these with our loved ones. I think you now got the idea. You needn’t be an actor or actress to act in front of an audience. You’re already performing your own play all the time. The way you express yourself is your unique performance.
From imaginary audience to real
I remember myself singing in the living room holding a hair comb as a microphone. The first time I dreamed of an audience, I was in primary school. I transformed from performing individually to publicly when I was eleven. It was the time when I joined the school chorus. Then I joined the school band when I was thirteen. This means that I was aware what audience was even when I was a child.
As the years passed I discovered another form of public performance. That was writing. In fact I was not aware that I could write texts that would influence other people until my friends told me that they loved to read my posts and encouraged me to go on. I was a very shy person during my childhood and youth. I was not good at talking and having conversations with people. Though I used to dream a lot, when it came to talking, I used to avoid expressing myself. Yes, I was a good dreamer, but a bad speaker.
I liked to read but I did not know that I liked to write
I lived in a city far from my childhood friends for years. Those were also the years when internet forums were very popular. Facebook, Instagram or Whatsapp was not on the stage yet, and people best interacted with forums. I attended my high school’s community and began to write a lot. Really lot.
One day one of my friends suggested that I collect some of my posts in a blog. I rejected the idea first. But then seeing other people’s positive reactions, I realized that I had a style people liked. In fact I was telling personal stories. This was because I was trying to heal myself through talking about myself and seeing the reactions people gave. Writing gave me the circumstances I needed. It was safe. It was easier than talking for me. And also it was possible to correct mistakes before I would post. Since I had a background of perfectionism, I was afraid of making mistakes. Unfortunately.
Self consciousness came to me through other people’s reactions, if you can still call this “self” consciousness. I saw my potential of writing when lots of people told me that I was doing good. So I started my previous blog (in Turkish). I still like the posts I wrote there. People liked the way I wrote because I was open hearted. Learning from others and then putting my own colors into what I learned was my style. I remember one of my friends saying I had integrity.
Seeing my reflection in lots of different people’s mirrors through writing, added me tremendously. I spent nearly six years actively writing in forums. When that journey ended I had already turned into a different person. A journey never ends, but that part triggerred the most dramatic changes. Positively, of course.
As I aged I got a better sense of myself
I started to get into peace with my past. I forgave. Since I let the loads go, I felt more freedom. My forties are very valuable since things got clear and I felt more confidince. I’m now forty-eight and I feel my fifties will be much better. I’m now sure that I like to write, I like to be in touch with music in various ways and I like to express myself seperately in two languages. Here, in this blog, I’m doing all these. I’m telling my personal stories both in English and Turkish through writing, with the companionship of my cello Josephine. We’re building musical stories together and sharing these with people.
As I aged I realized that life was a game that should be played cleverly. We are all acting on our personal stages from birth to death. Everybody needs his/her own combinations of feelings and behaviours to express self journeys of survival. As a personal performer I believe that my play would be worth watching if I put balanced doses of emotions and actions into it.
Yes, this blog is my stage. And every person interested in my stories, interested in the music I add to life is my audience. You need audience to get admitted. But more than that having an audience means you’re adding value to life. It means that you’re somehow solving problems for people. Perhaps you’re being a role model, sharing your experience. Perhaps you’re adding color. Or perhaps you’re just talking warmly, being a companion for a coffe break. Whatever or however, you’re making people feel good vibes.
Life is better with audience
This is not just a matter of getting claps. It is a two sided interaction that makes life worth living. We all need to feel valuable. We all need to believe we’re living fabulous lifes. And we all want to express ourselves freely. Turning these needs into a way we serve people rather than keeping them personal will make the whole story worth watching. And the more we serve others the more we’ll get from others. This is a very smart way of survival.
So explore your audience. Find out ways to add value for them. This is the exact key to a satisfactory life. You’re living your best and giving your best so you’ll exactly get reactions. This really is a top level performance. It’s unique cause it involves you and your experiences. It’s valuable cause you’re doing your best to grow yourself and this best is naturally serving other people’s lifes.
Humanity will appreciate this. Thank you for the show. Thank you for getting the responsibility of your performance. You’re deserving claps.