Waiting is what I’m still learning at the age of forty nine. I’m going through one of the most difficult periods in my life. And I can see there’s no end to learning. See why .
First of all, I should say I’m very happy to be here again after almost a year. That was exactly a period of “waiting” for me. In fact, it was not a period of sitting down and doing nothing. Quite the opposite, I was quite busy. But still, I was in a mood of waiting.
What a year it was! I moved to a new country, started a new life with a new setup, changed most of my routines and adapted to new ones. Certainly I had a lot of questions in my mind. But the hope was bigger. When hope dominates all other questions and uncertainties, it means that you’re alive and can overcome whatever comes and however it comes.
What companies best with hope is exactly “waiting”. To clarify, “learning to wait” is the way that will lead you to your new dreams. Changes come with their own advantages and disadvantages. Something can be both easy and difficult at the same time until you reach the balance point. And balance points are not stable. So you have to work on them periodically, reorganizing the stuff and building new setups. That’s an active mood of waiting. Surely, all along this journey, what you basically need is, time.
Time is the best friend ever. It’s an outer friend. On the other hand, you have an inner friend that helps you along the way. That is hope.
Keep going while waiting
Hope whispers you to continue to follow your dreams. It says the bright days are very close and you very much deserve the good. Reminding that you have always tried to do your best all through your life, hope tells you to go on trying. Giving up is never an option. And you should keep walking. To tell the truth, giving up has never been an option for me. I’ve met the best opportunities in my life while on the road. I guess freedom is having the chance to be able to keep yourself on the road. In that manner I can say that, yes I’ve felt free all through my life even when the circumstances were challenging. “Keep going”, I’ve repeatedly said to myself. “You’ll meet whatever you need just on the road.”
My theme for this year was “Explore!”. Let me tell you about what having a theme means. As you know most people pick up goals for the coming new year. Making to-do lists, we tend to start a fresh new year with great hope and motivation. But most of the time we can’t continue with those to-do lists, we’re likely to neglect them in a few weeks. That must be something to do with human psychology. It seems clear that a new year cannot be planned around to-do lists. We need something more efficient.
Explore!
So when I met Niklas Göke’s this amazing article on Medium, I realized that I needed a theme, not goals for the new year. A theme is just a word, preferably a verb, that you choose to be the focus of that year. Just pick up a word and try to design your mindset around it. As it says in Niklas’ article, goals tell you what you should do, but a theme tells you who you are. It shows you your big picture of the year.
It was the first quarter of 2020, just during the start of the pandemic when I met this article and immediately chose the word “Progress” as the theme of the year. Since I was remotely working to another country those days and planning to move there in the following months, I was sure that 2021 would be a great year to explore new places, new sights and a new culture. Therefore I chose the word “Explore” for the coming year. I know it was early to choose a “next theme”, but I could not resist my mind getting excited for the coming somewhat uncertain but also hopeful days. The new has always excited me.
I remember making arrangements on my 2020 theme, Progress. I was designing questions to keep myself focused on the subject like: “How can I make progress? What progress can I make? Which ways lead to progress? How smart can this progress be? When do I make the best progress?”
I even wrote an article, “Step by Step Progress” on this topic. And yes, 2020 has really been a progressive year for me. The well-defined theme really kept me focused on my path.
Then 2021 came
I would often fall down… if I hadn’t chosen a powerful, motivating theme for this year. At the times I felt weak and lost, I whispered the word “Explore!” to myself, reminding that all the new experiences, even if they might be a bit tough, were so valuable to build a new fresh life. I won’t talk about building “a better version of yourself”, because I believe one is just OK as he/she is, but I may talk about building a fresh version of self since I believe walking your own path requires you to renew your energy and mind continuously.
It was October 2020 when I moved to North Cyprus by one of the limited ship trips, with two suitcases and a computer case in my hands. Since no airplanes were available because of the pandemic, I had to travel by sea and I was not able to take even Josephine the cello with me. One of my daughters had already arrived Cyprus a month before and I had colleagues and their lovely families so I was not totally alone, but there were always questions in my mind, some of which should be answered and some had to be exactly ignored. I struggled a lot. My mind was a mixture of all the experiences I collected throughout my life and I somehow lost the ability to organize them. My friends told before the journey that the sea would shake me. It seems it shook my mind, not my body.
I’m not afraid of chaos. I believe we need chaos to be able to leave the old experiences and establish new mindsets. But that requires patience, therefore time, and hard work. With hope.
What will happen now?
What about my family that I left in Turkey? My daughters, husband, mother, father… When would we be able to see each other again? Thanks to the technology, video meetings were a life saver. Most people got used to an online life during the pandemic and it did not matter that much whether I was in Turkey or Cyprus those days.
But we are humans. We have fears. I had to be patient while waiting. Since I had to work hard meanwhile, I had to be energetic. Dynamic. Vivid. Smiling. For my job and for my family. I guess, I managed to keep my positive mood. I tried to witness the magnificent beauty of sunsets of Famagusta every evening, I tried to take walks, join online cinema clubs, read books, discover coffee shops and restaurants, though they were all closed formerly and then opened under limited access. Even so I had nights that I woke up in the middle of my sleep and stared at the walls, asking how and why.
My motivation for getting up in the morning was, even if I could not benefit from a deep relaxing sleep, the theme Explore. “This is a new day”, I told myself, “Get up and stand up and keep your motivation up”. For my family I had to keep up. For my job I had to keep up. And for the coming promising days I also had to keep up.
At last my husband has arrived the island. He also had two suitcases, a computer case, and…yes, the cello Josephine. This reunion is of great value for me.
There are now new voices in my life
My sleeps are getting better. And looking backwards I can say that yes, I grew up a lot. Every day, literally each day, I have done what I had to do. I kept a good track of my responsibilities, I tried to feel the joy in life, I tried to keep connected with my family and my friends. I made new friends in Cyprus and saw once more that kindness opens all the doors, promising trust in relationships.
All right. I’ve waited long enough. Enough time passed. Waiting actively until reaching a new balance point definitely helped me grow. The chaos kindly forced me to a new mindset and finally brought me to a relaxed mood. I’m ready to be an active player in this new place.
I’m not totally settled down yet, but I feel I’m very close to be an island girl.
Now let me work on my new theme…Since it’s 2022 coming 🙂